Tarot Wise 

By Carolyn Ayres

“Life is most meaningful when it is infused with feeling.” ~The Lover’s Path Tarot

My focus, up until then, had always been about getting love from another. It was only with this last marriage that I was finally brought home to myself and the realization that I must give up finding love ‘out there’ and find it within. These last two years I have sat in relationship with myself, and I am very happy alone. Just the thought of bringing someone else into my life ruined my peace of mind. This quest for the love of another had been my obsession, to no avail, and now that I was creating a joyful relationship with myself and Source, why would I want to look for love with another equally flawed human? Why would I want to start asking the usual questions tarot readers get? When will my love appear?  Why isn’t my partner showing me love? How can I get him/her to love me? What’s wrong with me?  Augh! Here I thought I was doing so well.  Loving myself and my single life so much, but when just the thought of relationship puts me into emotional paroxysms, if my so- called peace of mind can be ruined just by the thought of seeking a mate, this is a sign pointing the way to my next step for personal transformation. As I fight to bring myself out of the muck, I realize that what I need to be working on is not when or if the other will appear, but when I will appear.  This quote from Sufi Islam says it all: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

So, I am looking at it all as a partnership with myself. All of me.

As Kris Waldherr says in the introduction to The Lover’s Path Tarot “All love relationships mirror our relationship with ourselves...and ultimately reflect upon our relationship with the world around us.”  She also writes that the ultimate expression of our connection to the world is to fall in love.  Daring to love forces us to face our darkest recesses, for “as we reveal our innermost selves to our beloved… we are truly exposed in both body and soul.”  Oh my God!  Just reading these words puts me in a tizzy, proving again that this is my next step.  I am so very comfortable in the safety of my singleness, but I am focused on my soul’s expansion, and I understand that I will grow much faster if I allow another into my life. And hey, maybe it will be fun and invigorating and hey, isn’t more love part of the abundance I am asking for? Perhaps I am starving myself on some level because I do not believe I can have a life partner.  Of course, I am not giving myself any credit nor am I taking responsibility for my ability to co-create. So I am turning again to my old friend the tarot and this specific lover’s deck to chart my journey. 

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Significator - This card shows me the foundation of my issue of finding the mate of my heart.?Queen of Cups -  I think to myself, “Well that’s what I have always done, given my heart. In fact, I gave it away, but they weren’t willing to do the same.  The response, “Yes you did and this is what life is all about. Love. Living happily alone is wonderful, giving to yourself is great but giving to another is Divine.” Loving another will bring me to the essence of who I am. And this means EVERYONE. 

Next, my favorite three-card spread.  Past, Present, and Near Future:

Card #1 Where have I been as a lover in the past? 

Four of Arrows/Swords - A card of stillness, of non- action.  I immediately think of my passiveness, allowing outrageous behavior in my last relationship, protecting myself by not being totally honest for fear of losing the relationship. But then as I think about the last two years, I realize this card is also referring to my rest from relationship. My healing. My peace and detachment as I recover myself. 

Card #2  Where am I now as a lover, in the present?

Two of Wands.  Usually an image of someone making an offer, putting their energy out into the world.  I love it. This card is also about communication online and I have just taken the plunge and signed up on an online site for conscious, spiritual dating. ?

Card #3  Where am I headed?  Near future as a lover? 

Nine of Coins/Pentacles  An image of an obviously wealthy woman standing alone in her garden. So, I am not moving directly into relationship with another but into a continuing rich relationship with myself, for it is only through my belief in my own wealth of love that I can attract someone who has the same for me. I want to come to into partnership in abundance, not out of poverty. 

This should be a six-card spread in honor of The Lovers card, so I ask for action cards to break down my barriers to love:

Action Card #4 Three of Staves/Wands.  Usually two people in this card. Start connecting and relating with others. Come out of my reclusive stage and see what happens. And when all the muck comes up and I get stuck, just pull out my trusty tarot, clean myself off and set off again. 

Action Card #5 Contemplation/The Hermit  A picture of the monk, Abelard.  The action of going within.  Imagining. Creating on a metaphysical level what I want in relationship.  These are seemingly two opposite action cards but in tandem, contacting on an inner and outer level makes sense.

Card #6: Message from the Universe about this reading. Strength  The couple on this card are Siegried and Brunnhilde, an amazing story of faith, heart and great courage. The strength card is about the union of Beauty and the Beast, loving one’s shadow, loving ALL of oneself. This is the challenge. To reveal all of me.

This journey may be a long one.  I am asking for divine partnership, an ecstatic, joyful, conscious union, but this is my focus already as a single person, so my outcome will be the same no matter what happens. I will be bringing more love into my life.

I am celebrating loving partnerships by offering Couple and Singles’ Readings at the next Isis Wholeness Days, February 13.  I invite you to come in with your sweetheart or your sweet heart and get a reading together for Valentine’s Day.  You can sign up for a specific time by calling me at 442-4240.

Carolyn Ayres is available for private readings and mentorships with the tarot. Her classes on Tarot as a Spiritual Path are already in session.  The next round of classes will begin in August of 2010.  If interested call 707-442-4240.